Just an FYI: my posting are not in any order, I cut and pasted them from Myspace and was too lazy to put them in order.
Anyhoo, here is how I waste some time when I come home from work:
Jen Lancaster is one of the funniest authors I have read and she has her own website which cracks me up, I know everyone has a blog these days but hers is REALLY funny!
1. Jen's website
My friends know that since I have adopted my 2 cats, I have turned into a crazy cat lady...at least I am still cute though, right? So of course, I love this:
2. the LOL cat site
(If you don't find this funny, I'm not sure I can be friends with you anymore.)
I also like to check out this site, has cute animal stories and stuff you can buy your pets.
3. for animal lovers
For my weekly dose of celebrity gossip AND this site has also led me to funny things such as the "Rap: Represented in Mathematical Charts and Graphs" website.
4. gossip and funnies
Finally, I like this site. It has funky clothing, accesories and home decor stuff. It's just fun.
5. Mod stuff
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
Conversation with my mom last week:
My mom is 65 years old and her name is Charlotte (aka "Charlotte the Harlot"...yes, I do call her this and she does find it amusing and no, she ain't a ho)
Charlotte: "Do you like the music of Jay Z?"
Me: "Yes, how do you even know him and why are you asking me this."
Charlotte: "Wanna go see him in Ireland?"
Me: (nearly peeing my pants at the thought of my mother at a hip hop concert) "Umm, okay, how do you even know about this?"
Charlotte: "I'll send you an e-mail I sent to Aunt Jan about everything. I have to go now. Bye."
Me: "I can't wait to tell Laura this!"
Ranting and how do you have cheap fun?
Well, this isn't really a rant per se, more like general bitching abut nonsense.
I am home on a Friday night.
Why do you ask?
Well, I am generally exhausted after a work week but I have to get up at 5am to go to a orthopedic conference at Yale all day. Woo-hoo. Bitches don't be jealous of my ultra-exciting life.
Things I hate right now:
celebrities
people trash talking about Hilary
that my cats just can't be in love already and instead chose to chase each other all around my place.
TV is meaningless, is there anything really worth watching on?
Boston sports...get over it people and get a fucking life other than sports. I like sports too but you do not have to act like I have leprosy when I tell you I am a Yankees fan...it's SPORTS....It's not like I am telling you I admire Hitler.
What else? I don't like when people criticize me and judge me when I tell them I do not want to have children. Who fucking died and made your sorry ass God? And the people who get all uppity and judgemental about MY decisions, let's just say they lead pretty sucky lives.
Switching gears:
I am on a budget. I need to pay off a little debt and save for my next big trip which is Thailand next year. So, I am trying not to go out and spend money so much.
What cheap fun do YOU all like to have??
Thank you for listening.
Batmouseacock
Batmouseacock
So, I had a lovely evening with my 2 cousins. We had Mexican food, went to Water Fire in Providence, and then had ice cream. All in all, a splendid night with cousins Laura and little Sam.
Until I came home.
I heard a weird sound, a squeaking, scratchy, scary sound behind my fridge. My heart started to pound, palms sweaty, already reaching for a Valium (a girls gotta have a supply of these). I grab my tiny, yellow flashlight and take a look. (Meanwhile the two felines in my house are oblivious to the horrific sounds emanating and continue to sit on kitchen floor and lick themselves...that's it...I'm getting a German Shepard).
I see a blob, shapeless...the squeaking continues. My sympathetic nervous system is now in overdrive and I now fear a stroke is imminent! I run away into my bedroom and every time I approach the fridge, the sound gets louder. I live all alone. My boyfriend lives in Boston (this is unacceptable, move already). So, I call the only other man who may come to my rescue...dear old dad. My bro answers the phone and he can't come because he just took his psych meds and is doped up and he already drives like an 80 year old man so we certainly don't need him on the road at midnight. He wakes my dad.
Dad: Huh? What do you want? (He is so charming)
Me: There is an unidentifiable blob behind my fridge and it is squeaking. My fridge's electrical cord is moving....THE BLOB IS MOVING THE CORD!!!!!" Can you please come over?
Dad: Oh, come on...I'm in bed. Just spray it with something.
Me: I can't! I need HELP! It could KILL me! Fine, I'll call Rhian, he'll come down.
Dad: Okay, let me know what happens.
So, I arrange to pick Rhian up (ever the wonderful bf). He gets on redline and I am on my way to Quincy.
Five minutes later, my dad calls....
Dad: Can you still hear it?
Me: Yeah, I'm going to pick Rhian up at train station so he can kill it.
Dad: DON'T MAKE HIM COME ALL THEC WAY DOWN HERE! That is RIDICLOUS!!!
Me: But...you said you wouldn't...
Dad: I'm on my way....call him off!
(Ringing Rhian..."uh, you can go home now...sorry"). He is back on red line in other direction...not sure why he puts up with my high-maintenance behavior.
So, my dad comes over...investigates....does not hear sound....or see anything (Meanwhile, cats still licking themselves and ignoring my plight).
My dad concludes I am hearing things and I am a lunatic. ("Great, now I have 2 kids who hear things that aren't there!") My dad will be 70 this year and he obviously has decided to lose his hearing tonight.
I am alone again.
Squeak. Squeak. Scratchy, scratchy.
Begonia's ears have perked up and she is now fixating on the baseboard heating vent thing. I hear the noise even more now and....oh, holy fuck....I think I just saw some sort of tentacle.
There is a batmouseacock in my house. It is bat-like b/c of the high pitched squeaking, mouse-like b/c a mouse would be the most logical thing, and cock like b/c (get your mind out of the gutter)....I believe it is crossed with the insect family somehow. It is a mutated form of all these things and it is in my house and I am all alone with 2 felines who are now napping.
God help me....since he is busy probably helping people with more serious problems like starvation and natural disasters....I found the next best solution.
Valium.
I now realize why women get married. To have a fucking man in the house save yo ass from mutated mammal-rodent-insect creatures.
Thank you for your time and attention.
I hope I live through the night...
Ireland 2008
Ireland has an approximate population of 4.2 million people.
There are 9 million sheep in Ireland.
There are 50% more cows than people in Ireland.
Beer is NOT served warm....I don't know why people say this.
(It wasn't served warm in England when I was there years ago as well, again, maybe I just didn't go to the warm beer pubs??)
I wrecked the rental car within the first 20 minutes of driving in Dublin. While not really funny at the time, it is hysterical now. Construction equipment just JUMPS RIGHT OUT AT YOU in Ireland!
It is very green with beautiful mountains. Next time, I am going with someone who likes to hike.
DINGLE!!!
There are 9 million sheep in Ireland.
There are 50% more cows than people in Ireland.
Beer is NOT served warm....I don't know why people say this.
(It wasn't served warm in England when I was there years ago as well, again, maybe I just didn't go to the warm beer pubs??)
I wrecked the rental car within the first 20 minutes of driving in Dublin. While not really funny at the time, it is hysterical now. Construction equipment just JUMPS RIGHT OUT AT YOU in Ireland!
It is very green with beautiful mountains. Next time, I am going with someone who likes to hike.
DINGLE!!!
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