Thursday, October 23, 2008

Top 5, compliments of Monica

Top 5 people you want to....

...have sex with. This conversation came up with my friend Monica the other week. SO, who are the top 5 famous people you would want to sleep with? Celebrities generally get on my nerves but here are mine, in no particular order.


1. Nigel Barker (noted fashion photographer from ANTM, he's straight, bald and English)
2.
Stephen Colbert (cuz he's fucking funny)
3. Jason Bateman (especially from his Arrested Development days, he's just hot...anyone know how I can get a date with him?)
4. Adrien Grenier (from Entourage)
5. Colin Firth

My list is probably strange to some but I really don't give a crap.

Who are your top 5?

Clay Aiken!!

While standing in line at CVS today to buy toilet paper and licorice (don't ask), I saw a "People Magazine" declaring THE MOST SHOCKING NEWS!!!!!

Clay Aiken (goofy redhead of AMerican Idol fame) is...wait for it....






GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND...


He adopted a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really, Clay?? You're gay? I would have never known. I, as well as countless Americans, feel very duped by you.

You know what else bothers me? That Clay Aiken has a baby before me!!
Not that I like babies, or even want one...but you know, as a heterosexual, almost 33 year old female, I'm kind of irked that he jumped on the baby bandwagon first.

Clay Aiken you queen, you are stealing my thunder!!!

Stalking...posted on my former myspace page

What did stalkers do before the internet?

I was going to delete my myspace page yesterday after somehow a complete psychopath (an ex) found out who my boyfriend is, and contacted him with his psychopath babbling yesterday. We can all thank myspace for this. You see, when you date someone you usually let them have access and become your myspace "friend". Ladies and gentlemen, don't fucking do this. Don't let some asshole who you have only dated for a bit have ANYTHING to do with your myspace, facebook, etc. Because this is what they will do:

1. Write down all your friends names and myspace links.
2. Stalk them for an entire year after you dump their pathetic, psychopath, gross ass.
3. Send your current boyfriend bat shit mothafucka crazy messages.

I can only assume my former psychopath must have been stalking my boyfriend, as my bf was a real friend and myspace friend long before he became the bf. (Now there is a novel idea people, be friends with people for as long as possible so you can weed out the crazies before you allow yourself to have an intimate relationship...yeah, it takes awhile but at least for me, it's worth it. I'm in no rush to the altar anyway, I have time.

I may not be making any sense and unless you are Rhian, Lisa, or Jeff...you are going to be reading this and thinking I am BAT SHIT crazy. I can assure you, I am in fact, not. I am pissed and I feel violated that this psycho would bother my boyfriend.

Ah, but back to the lesson...be careful what you post online...this is truly a voyeur's dream. Make your profile private. Don't just add any Joe Blow to your friends. Don't add the guy or girl you have been dating for 5 minutes. Watch your back bitches, because the world is full of the crazies.

AND finally,

Sometimes doing nothing is the best revenge.

I'm watching you....now go make your profile private!!!